By D.J. Reiter
Common Ground Podcast, Episode 50
Guest: Earnest James
What does it look like to rebuild your life after losing nearly everything at once? In Episode 50
of the Common Ground Podcast, hosts Philly and Sydney welcome Earnest James, speaker,
podcaster, mentor, and grief guide, for one of the most raw and moving conversations the
show has produced. Based in the Chicago area, Earnest is the founder of Anne Christian
Charities and the host of the “Deal to Heal with E. James” podcast, where he has spent years
turning personal heartbreak into a platform for healing.
Earnest’s framework is straightforward: deal with your problems, heal from your pain, and fulfill
your purpose. But as this episode makes clear, the path between those three steps is
anything but simple.
Who Earnest Was Before the Work
Before diving into the hard stuff, Earnest gives the audience a window into who he was before
his public mission took shape. Raised in the church in Chicago, he grew up surrounded by
ministry and was shaped early by his mother, a pastor whose daily prayer was simply, “God,
give me a love for your people.” Earnest adopted that prayer as his own, and it quietly guided
him long before he had a name for what he was doing.
He also shares something that surprises many people. Despite being a public speaker and
podcast host, he is an introvert at heart. It’s a reminder that the version of someone we see
on a stage or a screen is often built on a foundation of private struggle and quiet discipline.
When Everything Falls Apart at Once
Earnest doesn’t ease into the difficult parts of his story. He walks straight into them. In a
relatively short window of time, he was navigating divorce, mounting debt, the slowdown of
work during COVID, the death of his mother-in-law from cancer, and then the death of his
own mother, also from cancer. The weight of those losses, compounding on top of each other,
led him to a place where he began experiencing suicidal ideation.
What pulled him back wasn’t a dramatic intervention or a moment of sudden clarity. It was a
summer afternoon, a kiddie pool in the backyard, and his young daughter running over to the
porch in the middle of playing. She had not fallen. Out of nowhere, she said, “I miss my
grandmothers.”
That moment reframed everything. If his daughter, so young, could carry that much grief and
still find the words to name it, what would happen to her if he were gone? It was the question
that changed his direction.
Purpose Leaves Clues
One of the most compelling ideas in this episode is Earnest’s belief that purpose doesn’t arrive
without warning. It leaves breadcrumbs along the way. We just can’t usually see them until
we’ve found what we were meant to do and look back.
He traces two threads from his own life. The first is a soft spot for people with disabilities that
began in childhood and quietly led him to spend a decade in home healthcare, caring for two
brothers in wheelchairs. The second is a night at a corner store at 19 years old, watching a
grieving man break down in public. It was a scene he never forgot and only understood
decades later when he found himself doing bereavement work.
“When you find your purpose,” Earnest says, “you’ll be able to look back and say, ‘I can see
those dots as they’re connected throughout my life.’” The dots were always there. Purpose
gave them meaning.
Are We Born With Purpose, or Does Suffering Introduce It?
Sydney opens the episode with a question that anchors much of the conversation. Are we
born into purpose, or does our suffering introduce that purpose to us? Earnest answers that it’s
both. We’re born with it, but our experiences lead us toward it.
Philly takes the question further through a biblical lens, drawing a parallel to Moses. God
didn’t call Moses because he was the best speaker. He called Moses because of his heart.
Once Moses fulfilled his mission and led his people out of Egypt, what came next wasn’t the
Promised Land. It was 40 years of wandering. The point is that finding your purpose doesn’t
mean the hard part is over. It means the real work is just beginning.
Can Success Become a Form of Avoidance?
Sydney asks a question that clearly hits close to home for everyone in the room. Can success
become another way of running from what we haven’t dealt with? Earnest’s answer is an
unqualified yes.
He points to construction, his day job, as one of the leading industries for suicide. Not
because the work is uniquely dangerous, but because it is male-dominated and deeply
resistant to emotional openness. Men on job sites, he says, will talk about everything except
what they’re actually going through. Earnest has made a habit of going first by sharing his own
story openly because he’s learned that someone else is almost always waiting for permission
to talk about theirs.
He brings up Robin Williams as the clearest example. Here was someone who brought more
joy to the world than almost anyone and was quietly suffering behind the scenes.
Achievement, Earnest says, doesn’t heal the wound. It simply gives the wound a nicer place to
hide. Sydney puts it even more directly: “Achievement doesn’t heal trauma. It just gives
trauma a nicer office.”
Your New Normal and What It Actually Means
One of the most honest passages in the episode comes when Earnest talks about the concept
of a “new normal,” something he learned during bereavement support. Life after loss doesn’t
go back to the way it was. But it can still hold love, joy, and meaning. The grief doesn’t
disappear. It simply becomes more familiar over time. He describes it not as a wheel of
fortune, but as a hamster wheel. You never fully step off it, but it eventually spins a little
smoother.
Philly offers a different but complementary image. He compares life to a painting that looks
like random dots of color up close but reveals a complete picture when you step back. The
painful moments, the red dots, aren’t mistakes in the composition. They’re often what brings
the whole picture together.
A Note for Anyone Who Needs It
If this episode resonated with you in a personal way, please know that support is
available.
The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, 7
days a week.
Call or text 988 to connect with someone who can help.
Key Takeaways
- Purpose leaves clues. You may not be able to see the pattern while you’re in it, but the
breadcrumbs are there. Looking back is part of the process. - Grief doesn’t have a finish line. It becomes more manageable over time, but it doesn’t
disappear. Accepting your new normal is not giving up — it’s moving forward. - Children grieve too. Earnest and Sydney both share powerful reminders that kids feel loss
deeply, even when they can’t fully name it. Pay attention. - Success can be a mask. Achievement and busyness are common ways people avoid
dealing with what’s actually hurting them. Doing the inner work matters as much as the outer
results. - Someone is waiting for your voice. When you share your story honestly, you permit others to
do the same. Vulnerability is not weakness; it is connection.
Reflection Questions
- Have you ever experienced a significant loss or hardship? How did you cope with it, and do
you feel like you’ve fully processed it? - Is there an area of your life- work, relationships, habits where you might be using busyness
or achievement to avoid something deeper? - Looking back at your life, can you identify any “breadcrumbs,” small moments or
experiences that pointed toward what you’re passionate about today? - Is there a story from your own life that you’ve been hesitant to share? What’s holding you
back, and who might need to hear it? - What does “healing” look like to you personally, and what is one small step you could take
this week toward it?
To connect with Earnest James, visit ernestjamesspeakslife.com, find him on Instagram at
@EarnestJamesSpeaker, or search “Deal to Heal with E. James” on YouTube.
Listen to the full conversation on Episode 50 of the Common Ground Podcast.
Leave a Reply